1
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,720
We'll have to bung the advert in
again, Miss Cooling.

2
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:02,840
I can't understand it, Mr Handy.
Not a single reply.

3
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,880
We're supposed to open today.

4
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,880
We'll just have to postpone.

5
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:14,280
With an enterprise like this,
you need people with know-how...

6
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:19,320
..who'll do anything for anybody -
that's the whole idea.

7
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:23,760
Never mind, Mr Handy,
I'm sure you'll get stuffed.

8
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,000
Eh? Oh, staffed.

9
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,320
Morning.

10
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:42,520
Morning.

11
00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:44,000
Nothing interesting?

12
00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,160
If there was, I'd be after it.

13
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,160
Are you after a job, Mr Twist?

14
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:53,600
Why not, Mr Infield-Hopping?
I'm not a fixture in this place.

15
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,680
It wasn't built around me.

16
00:02:56,720 --> 00:03:00,960
A Ministry of Labour clerk
can get bored of his job.

17
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,800
Watcha. What have you got today?

18
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:08,240
Nothing, Mr Weston. It's not worth
my friend's petrol to bring me here.

19
00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:16,520
A-ha! Bonjour. Guten tag.
Buongiorno. Shalom aleichem.

20
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,880
Eh?
I'm saying good morning.

21
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:22,360
Just demonstrating four of
the 16 languages I speak fluently.

22
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:28,200
There must be a worthwhile
appointment for me today.

23
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,640
Please say there is.

24
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,040
Mr Courtenay...
Yes?

25
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,520
..there isn't.

26
00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:36,640
Do you mind?

27
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:37,800
Do you mind?

28
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,160
Oh, charming.

29
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,400
You're in a nice mood.

30
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,160
Sorry, but I'm fed up.

31
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:43,280
So am I.

32
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:44,880
I need an interesting job.

33
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,040
Me, too.

34
00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,680
There are no exciting jobs for women

35
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,880
You're right. It's a man's world.

36
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,320
Someone should do
something about it.

37
00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,360
I agree. Come on.

38
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,120
No, we can't...

39
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,720
You can't come in 'ere.

40
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,880
Why not? I can do a man's job.

41
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,040
Me, too.

42
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,680
What have you got?
ALL: Nothing.

43
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:11,240
Hello, isn't it a lovely morning?
Anything on the cards?

44
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:12,840
ALL: Nothing.

45
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,240
ALL ARGUE

46
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,400
I've never seen him move so fast.

47
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:25,920
He was reading the paper.

48
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,240
That can only mean...

49
00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:30,680
A job. A fascinating job.

50
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,160
Just a moment...

51
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:35,040
Yeah, so fascinating
it's not been noted here.

52
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,280
ALL SHOUT EXCITEDLY

53
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,880
Sam Twist is the name.

54
00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:00,480
Francis Courtenay at your service.

55
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,000
Mike Weston. That's me.

56
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,840
Delia King, Miss.

57
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,600
Dimple. Gaby Dimple.

58
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,680
Lily Duveen, that's me.

59
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,280
Montgomery Infield-Hopping.

60
00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:12,800
Seven - my lucky number.
You're all hired.

61
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:18,280
KNOCK AT DOOR Come in.

62
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:21,440
Good morning.
Who's responsibulb here?

63
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:22,560
Eh?

64
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,720
You're Mr Haydn? How do you do?

65
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,880
Yes.

66
00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:31,840
I own this grady far and hadn't had
the chance to do the first meeting.

67
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,120
Oh, yes.

68
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,360
No, you don't understand my meal.

69
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,600
Certainly, sir. What's the job?

70
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:43,360
There's no job. You don't seem
to understand the twenty fido.

71
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:48,360
Just give all the details
of the assignment to Miss Cooling.

72
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:52,640
There's no assignment
shall she attain the ten see.

73
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:56,760
I've come from this monthly grill
to meet you...

74
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,960
..and I take it you're he.

75
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:03,560
We do undertake anything, yes.
Tell Miss Cooling about it.

76
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,360
This is most provoc encouragemold.

77
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,800
I've come as the milk and the human
kindly and come to give it to you...

78
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:12,800
MOUTHS

79
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,280
..flollop me off on your secretrial.

80
00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,000
Charmish, but that's not the poil.

81
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,360
I don't think that's too tough,
do you, Miss Cooling?

82
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,720
No.
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

83
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,000
No.

84
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,320
You've got a note of it, then?

85
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:27,560
No.

86
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,360
I should think not.
I didn't utter a worm.

87
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:35,720
The age of courtesy and couragemold
is finish, I feel.

88
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:40,280
If you want me to conveil
my solicitole, I'll serve a writ.

89
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:44,760
I can be as cold as the next.
And crystal cleal. Good morny.

90
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:51,480
Oh, sorry. Was that a job?
What did he want?

91
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:58,120
New set of teeth. This kind of
organisation gets swamped with nuts.

92
00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,640
And customers, I hope.

93
00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,600
But not, at the moment, for you.
Girls?

94
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,640
Dead right. How would you like
to try on a lady's wardrobe?

95
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:32,880
Would I?

96
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,120
Get cracking, then.

97
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,560
I suppose she won on points.

98
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:47,160
A lovely idea - an anniversary gift
for your wife. Feels so good.

99
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,520
Yes. Doesn't look bad, either.

100
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,360
A perfect fit. Thank you, Miss King.

101
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,600
Can't wait to try on the others.

102
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,640
GIGGLES

103
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,200
GIGGLES

104
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:47,760
Perfect!

105
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,840
A perfect fit!

106
00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,000
Thank you very much.

107
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:55,680
It's been a pleasure. What a
marvellous surprise for Mrs Belling.

108
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,720
Would you like a coffee?

109
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:58,960
Oh, thank you.

110
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,200
Perfect!

111
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:14,800
Are you dressed?

112
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,000
Does it look like it?

113
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,480
My wife's getting out of a taxi.

114
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,080
I thought she was away today.

115
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,320
So did I.

116
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,320
She'll get her surprise early.

117
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,040
She'll get one I didn't plan.

118
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,320
What's that?

119
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:28,360
You.

120
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:29,480
Oh, me!

121
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:34,320
Quick, hide. Not in there!
You haven't got time to get out.

122
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,120
I'm not dressed for the street.

123
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:37,400
Precisely.

124
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:38,640
Can we not explain?

125
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,920
Helen. What are you doing here?

126
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,400
I missed the train.
It's not worth going now.

127
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,640
What's this?

128
00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:02,640
I know I'm absent-minded,
but I'd remember ordering all this.

129
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:05,640
Did I?

130
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:09,760
No, I did. I wanted you to see them
and wear some on our anniversary.

131
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:14,920
Oh, darling!
It's the most staggering gift.

132
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,480
Supppose they don't fit?

133
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:20,000
I've seen to that.

134
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,280
How?

135
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,760
Does it matter?

136
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:27,840
Poor darling husband, all nervy
because I've spoilt his surprise.

137
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:31,680
Never mind. Stay here
and I'll make you a coffee.

138
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,680
It is... HELEN! What are you doing?

139
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,360
I'm putting my coat away.

140
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:37,880
You shouldn't have taken it off.

141
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,160
Why not?

142
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,960
Because... the heating's given out.

143
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,240
Darling, are you all right?

144
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:45,760
Yes, perfectly.

145
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,280
You need something stronger.

146
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:49,800
Give me that coat.

147
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,640
That's no way to treat clothes.

148
00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:53,200
That old thing?

149
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,280
I bought it two months ago.

150
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,240
It's not worth hanging up.

151
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,320
Helen, please, don't open...

152
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:12,840
DEEP VOICE: I'll let you have the
estimate for the new clothes rail.

153
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:14,240
Morning, ma'am.

154
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:22,880
He came to try on your clothes,
but there's nothing between us...

155
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:26,160
..because he's really
a very nice girl.

156
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:39,160
Sam, relax.

157
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,320
I'll relax when I get an assignment.

158
00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,000
Everyone else is out and about.

159
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:44,880
They're on routine jobs.

160
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,800
I bet fate has got
something exciting in store for you.

161
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,360
It'll be the first time.

162
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,600
PHONE RINGS

163
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:55,080
Helping Hands? Yes, with pleasure.

164
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:56,560
Immediately? Yes.

165
00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,800
Right, got it. Thank you.

166
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,840
What did I tell you?

167
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,800
No? Something exciting?

168
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,400
Baby-sitting.

169
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,720
DOOR BUZZER

170
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,480
Good evening.

171
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,920
I'm from Helping...

172
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,520
GULPS
..Hands.

173
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,760
Hello. Come in, do.

174
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,800
Is this the right place? I mean...

175
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,240
Yes, this is the right place.

176
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,280
Erm... P-P-Panting?

177
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,720
No, that's the way I always breathe.

178
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,240
And your name?

179
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,520
Twist, madam. Sam Twist.

180
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:54,920
Do sit down.

181
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,920
Yes, well, er... where's the baby?

182
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,240
Oh, look.

183
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,760
Oh, delightful.

184
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,680
And so like you, too.

185
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:21,480
Well, I don't wish to delay you...

186
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,120
..so just show me where the baby is.

187
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,640
Oh, come here and relax, Mr Twist.

188
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:31,240
Relax? No, thank you, madam,
not while I'm on duty.

189
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:36,040
Well, madam, where is the baby?

190
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,440
I haven't got a baby.

191
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,160
That's my niece.

192
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,520
Oh.

193
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,080
Sit down.

194
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:50,720
Er, no, no.

195
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,960
Mr Twist,
don't make it difficult for me.

196
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,120
You're making it difficult for me,
madam.

197
00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:58,840
I'll explain, Mr Twist.

198
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,480
You see, I have deceived you.

199
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,040
I don't really need a baby-sitter.

200
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,680
In that case, I'll just be going...

201
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,400
But I do need a man.

202
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,000
Mrs Panting!

203
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,760
You will help me, won't you?

204
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,480
It depends what you want.

205
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,000
You.

206
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,960
HIGH: Why me?

207
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,400
Ahem. Why me?

208
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:26,320
It could be any man, but I want
to keep it on a professional basis.

209
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,960
I must have a man by eight o'clock.

210
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,560
Well, we only supply helping hands.

211
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:34,560
Why eight o'clock?

212
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,040
That's when he gets home.

213
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,200
Oh, I see, yes, does he?

214
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:39,680
Who?

215
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,880
Mr Panting.

216
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,880
My husband!
SHE SOBS

217
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,600
Oh, madam.

218
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,160
He neglects me.

219
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,240
I find that difficult to believe.

220
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:53,680
He ignores me.

221
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,240
It's impossible.

222
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:57,800
He takes me for granted.

223
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,520
Surely not.

224
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:04,680
I know he loves me,
but I want him to show it more.

225
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,120
Ask him to...
Have a little chat with him.

226
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,320
It's no good, I've tried.

227
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,360
No, he needs a lesson.

228
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,680
So do I. I mean, that he does, yes.

229
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,000
I've got to make him jealous.

230
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,200
That's the ticket.

231
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,240
He must find me with a man.

232
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,040
You're so right. At eight o'clock.

233
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,160
On the dot.

234
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:25,400
Now do you understand?

235
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,280
Yes, Mrs Panting, I... NO! No, no.

236
00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,160
Please, it's nearly eight o'clock.

237
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,960
Stay away from me, dangerous lady.

238
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,560
He'll be here in seconds.

239
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,920
You might as well make it look good.

240
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,000
Kiss me.

241
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:40,480
Madam!

242
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,240
Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me...

243
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,080
Penny! andgt;

244
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,600
Let me go, you beast!

245
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:58,280
Can I help it if I'm irresistible?

246
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:03,200
Mr Panting, I can explain.
I'm from Helping Hands. Let me go.

247
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:08,360
My braces. I can explain everything.

248
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:13,400
Your wife... oh, my braces.
It all started with the baby...

249
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,240
Darling.

250
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,920
Did you hurt your hand?

251
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,960
(MUMBLES)

252
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:33,640
"Attractive man required
to model for our..."

253
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:34,880
DOOR OPENS

254
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,000
Morning. Oh, sorry.

255
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,760
It blew off. Oh.

256
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,480
Ahem!

257
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:52,800
Aye aye.

258
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,440
(WOLF WHISTLES)

259
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:55,760
(CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY)

260
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,080
ALL LAUGH

261
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,160
PHONE RINGS

262
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,880
Yes, madam, right away.

263
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,880
Yes, certainly, thank you.

264
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,320
Job for you.
As a model?

265
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,600
Lady wants someone to walk her pet.

266
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,680
It's a lovely day. Do you good.

267
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,320
Nice address, anyway.

268
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:19,440
I'm from Helping Hands. I understand
you want me to take your pet out.

269
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:23,480
Oh, yes. I got such an awful cold.

270
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:27,080
Well, never mind.
Where is the little chap?

271
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:29,800
Here.

272
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:33,600
Oh, I, really, I... I rather er...

273
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,760
Helping Hands
said they can do anything.

274
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,800
And so we will. What's his name?

275
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:39,880
Yoki.

276
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,640
Yoki. Don't let him out of your
sight.

277
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,400
No. Come on, Yoki.

278
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:46,960
(SNEEZES)

279
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,800
Which way? This way? That way?

280
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,640
Oh, down here, all right.
Come along.

281
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:02,800
Go for a nice walk, shall we?
Walk nicely.

282
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,720
You're not bringing that on here.

283
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:11,160
But he's tired and the best way to
see London is from the top of a bus.

284
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,000
Not this one. Great hairy thing.

285
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,760
I am not!

286
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,080
Hold tight.

287
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:21,680
I'll report you to the RSPCA.
Cheeky monkey!

288
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:27,800
No offence. The British Transport
Commission should hear about this.

289
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:31,440
Taxi! Taxi!

290
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,720
Can you take us to...

291
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,840
I'll take you, but not your brother.

292
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,800
We've had a long walk. We're tired.

293
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,200
Why not climb in a tree for a kip?

294
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,240
Thank you very much(!) Charming.

295
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,200
Did you hear what he said?

296
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,760
Do you want to go somewhere?

297
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:57,080
Oh, I see. You want to see
your friends. And so you shall.

298
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:59,560
Just in time for tea. (LAUGHS)

299
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,000
(SLURPS)

300
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,000
Morning, Lil.

301
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:39,040
Morning.
Is it worth taking my coat off?

302
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,160
I've got a beaut for you.

303
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,480
Collecting invitation cards
and being pleasant.

304
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,720
I say, that'll be nice.

305
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,640
Thank you.

306
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,520
Thank you.

307
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,560
Good morning.
Good morning.

308
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,560
That's everybody.

309
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,360
A nice crowd they are, too.

310
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,520
Yes, very.

311
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:17,200
Can I render any further service?

312
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:21,440
Just collecting these cards
isn't sweated labour.

313
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:22,840
Please be our guest.

314
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,720
Oh, I say. Thanks.

315
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,760
Are you a lover of the grape,
Miss Duveen?

316
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,760
Actually, no.

317
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:36,440
I never know what to do with
the pips - flick, collect or spit.

318
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:40,320
Well, I never...
Will you excuse me?

319
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:42,080
Madam, for you? A soupcon?

320
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:43,480
Really? What kind of soup?

321
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:46,680
Soup? Madam, there is no soup.

322
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:47,800
You just said there was.

323
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:51,760
I asked if you'd care to taste
the 1952.

324
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:57,880
Rather! Such a pretty colour.
Like Coca-Cola. Thanks, I'll try it.

325
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,600
Madam, please. Don't unsettle it.

326
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,200
Wow! That's what I call a drink.

327
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,080
I'll have some more. Fill it up.

328
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:09,120
Fill?

329
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:12,120
To the brim.
Let's have a proper drink.

330
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:15,320
Madam, you're supposed to taste
several wines.

331
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:18,160
Don't worry, I will. Fill it up.

332
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,200
Not exactly heavy-handed, are you?

333
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:31,360
Oh, well, here's cream
on your salad! (LAUGHS)

334
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,600
Tickle. (LAUGHS)

335
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,760
Nice.

336
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:56,840
By George!

337
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,280
Hello.

338
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:17,400
Powerful stuff.

339
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,280
I see you had the Nuit-St-Georges.

340
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:21,840
A dignified wine, don't you think?

341
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,320
Oh, very.

342
00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:29,040
It was a fascinating experience.
Have you ever...

343
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:30,640
What are you doing down there?

344
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,640
(SLURRED) Getting up. But I can't.

345
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,160
Come along, young lady. Hup!

346
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,400
No handling, if you please.

347
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,680
But I was only...
I know your sort. That'll do.

348
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:48,080
Bless my soul!

349
00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:50,840
It certainly was powerful stuff.

350
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,000
(LAUGHS) Marvellous!

351
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,240
Did you see that? Do do it again.

352
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,280
Madam!

353
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:11,920
Oh, dear. Just shows you. First time
must have been beginner's luck.

354
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,480
I really...
I'm so sleepy.

355
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:15,920
You can't sleep here, madam.

356
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,080
What's going on? I'm dropping off.

357
00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:20,840
Miss Duveen! If my wife were to...

358
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:24,240
A married man,
making advances to me?

359
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:25,600
I didn't!
Chuck him out!

360
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:29,880
Miss Duveen, please.
I keep being insulted at this do.

361
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:33,400
Miss Duveen, this is not a do.
Don't speak to me like that!

362
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:34,760
I'm most terribly sorry.

363
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,520
All right, all right, I'm going.

364
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:40,880
I wouldn't stay here if you paid me.

365
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,480
I can't apologise enough.

366
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,760
Come on, gorgeous.

367
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:49,880
Hey! Hold up there.

368
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,760
Let's get out of here together, hm?

369
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:02,160
Disgraceful. A load of drunks.
(HICCUPS)

370
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:08,840
We've got them all working.

371
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:14,920
On the day we got our first office
flowers. The sign of success.

372
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:16,080
Isn't it wonderful?

373
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:17,560
Cigar?

374
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,640
No, I don't smoke, thank you.

375
00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:23,760
KNOCK AT DOOR Come in.

376
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,480
You again.

377
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,680
There's no rights than me to beheed.

378
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:28,880
Miss Cooling.

379
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:36,200
Oh, not agrail! It's you I'm going
to thalkest to, come what mayload.

380
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:40,120
Just tell my secretary.
Miss Coollie?

381
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:43,040
Oh, perhaps I willed.

382
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:49,240
Perhaps this lade shall understand
the simply measure I'm to offering.

383
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:50,840
Have I your attentiahoad, madler?

384
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,040
Lovely day, yes.

385
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,520
I'm not here
to discussit the weatheraped.

386
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,320
We should listen together.

387
00:24:57,360 --> 00:25:00,240
You deal with it, Miss Cooling.

388
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:04,880
There's no understab in your
eardroves! Beyond my comprehoad.

389
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:09,160
You don't understand
a syllabulb I'm uttering.

390
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,040
You're from sanitation?

391
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,320
I didn't catch that.

392
00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:14,280
He mentioned the guttering.

393
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,560
I did knockers!

394
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,400
There's nothing wrong
with the guttering.

395
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:21,800
It said which knockers
intern or extern rebode.

396
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,680
It's your responsible
to sign it flap.

397
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,560
You understand, Miss Cooling.

398
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:27,760
No.

399
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:32,640
What do you mean, nockers?
You think I talk doplo dutchery?

400
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,000
Dutch!

401
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,440
He's Dutch!

402
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,600
(SLOWLY) We have a man...

403
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:38,960
A lere leeny...

404
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:44,080
Don't get excited. This man
very clever. He speak 16 language.

405
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:46,880
You come back...
I am not Dutch!

406
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:49,720
Look, I'm a very busy man.

407
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,000
Do you think I stand for a loafery?

408
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:53,840
He wants a chauffeur!

409
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,400
We don't compete with car-hire
firms.

410
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,400
I'm gome, but I recoil.

411
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:04,760
To blaze with all communicail,
save the voice and languie -
my voice and languie.

412
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:10,240
This is mobe obsession - to convey
the message. I will for doom that.

413
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:14,720
I don't want your grames,
but I'll play to the bitter hobis.

414
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:16,040
How dare you!

415
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:20,640
And when I recoil alert and refresh,
you shall understab! Cripest!

416
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:22,680
And you!

417
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:24,680
Handy? Who's Handy?

418
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,720
I am.
You look it, I must say.

419
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:28,120
Thank you. Won't you sit down?

420
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:30,920
No. I'm Amalagamated Scrap Iron.

421
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,160
You must be a millionaire.

422
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:34,440
Four times over.

423
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,120
Do sit down.

424
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:37,640
I've already said no!

425
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:39,360
Do you provide substitutes?

426
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:42,760
No! This is a respectable firm.

427
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,000
You know the hospital up the road?

428
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:46,360
Oh, yes.

429
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,320
Keep my place for me today.

430
00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:50,400
Eh?
Didn't I make myself clear?!

431
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:54,160
I just don't understand.
You're a millionaire.

432
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:55,200
Four times over.

433
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,440
And you go to an NHS hospital.

434
00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:59,240
It's the principle.

435
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:05,280
I buy my stamp and have my money's
worth. But I've no time to wait.

436
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:09,560
Got to take over
International Screws today. andgt;

437
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,520
Will you do it? Yes or no?

438
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,480
I'll put my best operative onto it.

439
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:19,000
You won't! I want you.
The head man, or the deal's off.

440
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:21,840
Very well. Have a cigar.

441
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:26,280
Don't smoke 'em. Neither should you.
Bad for you.

442
00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:30,200
What a stench.

443
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,440
Have a flower to get rid of it.

444
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:40,960
Good morning, Doctor, Sister.

445
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:45,160
When Sir Theodore arrives,
telephone me at once.

446
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:46,800
Yes, Matron.

447
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:51,280
This is a vital inspection.
What he says goes. Clear?

448
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:54,560
Yes, but how do I recognise him?

449
00:27:54,600 --> 00:28:00,160
He's not exactly handsome, but
I'm told he has a rugged grandeur...

450
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:04,240
..and he wears a flower
in his buttonhole.

451
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,280
Yes, Matron.

452
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,000
Doctor?

453
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:16,600
Doctor, he's here.

454
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:17,840
No!

455
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:19,600
I'll phone Matron.

456
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,120
Hello, sir. Hello.

457
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:25,800
This is an unexpected honour.

458
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:27,240
Is it?

459
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:29,680
Of course. That's nice of you.

460
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,920
Would you like to wait
in the examination room?

461
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:35,480
Yes, I don't mind. Thank you.

462
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,680
Nice people.

463
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:41,440
Good morning. Hello.

464
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:43,360
First patient, Sister.

465
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:45,400
Yes, Doctor.

466
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:50,920
Good morning. Welcome.
We feel most honoured.

467
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:52,240
How do you do?

468
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:55,960
Would you please follow me,
Sir Theodore?

469
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:57,800
Sir Theodore?

470
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,360
Morning, matron. Morning, sir.

471
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,160
Morning, sister.

472
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:16,360
Watch closely. This is the world's
most inspired diagnostician.

473
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:24,440
He must be to learn about a varicose
vein by studying the scalp.

474
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:27,920
Watch, listen, learn.

475
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:29,400
Never.

476
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:30,840
What do you mean, never?

477
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,000
That track, in the mud - never.

478
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:35,200
I've been following that horse.

479
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,160
But other horses never follow him.

480
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:41,080
Don't put me off.

481
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,800
I'm doing you a favour.
That's a cow.

482
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:45,280
Mind your own business.

483
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,040
OK.

484
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:48,600
It's his funeral.

485
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,160
Nurse, side ward.

486
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:57,320
Oh, I'm sorry.

487
00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,800
Nurse!
I'm sorry, sister.

488
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:05,080
That's too heavy a load for you.
Don't stand there, give her a hand!

489
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:09,800
Let me help you, nurse.

490
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:13,640
Hey, what the hell...!

491
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:16,800
Cheer up, chicken. It's all right.

492
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:22,080
Where would we be if we didn't help
each other? Let's see some more.

493
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:28,120
All great men
are slightly eccentric.

494
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,480
Yes, Matron.

495
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,520
Yes, Matron.

496
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:35,680
All right, Nurse.

497
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:44,240
Goochy-goochy! Wibble-wibble!

498
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,640
Little baskets!

499
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:49,280
I mean, what little baskets
you keep them in.

500
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,680
Oh, yes. (LAUGHS)

501
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:52,800
I love kids.

502
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:54,960
Have you any of your own?

503
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:58,440
I can't say I have,
I can't say I haven't.

504
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:02,360
I always say that brilliant men
are absent-minded.

505
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,400
Yeah. (LAUGHS)

506
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,640
We give our nurses
a regular checkup.

507
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:22,080
Is there anything else
we can show you?

508
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,720
I think I'll rest here awhile.

509
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,200
You're late.
Where is he?

510
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:35,000
Where's who?
The man keeping my place.

511
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:36,240
What man?

512
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:39,360
He had a face like a relief map.

513
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,400
And a flower?

514
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:46,200
Yes, he had a flower. He's from
Helping Hands. Where is he?

515
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:51,680
Ward 10.

516
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,680
Emergency.

517
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:55,720
Yes, Sister.

518
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:58,320
Nurse. What is it?

519
00:31:58,360 --> 00:31:59,720
It isn't.
Isn't what?

520
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:01,520
He isn't. That man.

521
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:02,600
Which man isn't what?

522
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,720
The man with Matron
isn't Sir Theodore.

523
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:05,920
Goodness gracious!

524
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:13,000
Matron, that man's not Sir Theodore.
He's an imposter.

525
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:14,200
What?!

526
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:29,000
You're not Sir Theodore.

527
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:30,240
I never said I was.

528
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:32,320
Leave this instant.

529
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:37,760
Some other time, eh? When you need
a helping hand. Tell your friends.

530
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:47,960
That's definitely my best side.

531
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,040
For what, Mr Courtenay?

532
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:51,520
Nothing, I was just...

533
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:55,520
Hoping the photography job
might go your way?

534
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,160
What photography job?

535
00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:58,800
Would you like me to pencil you in?

536
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:02,600
Yes. I photographed well as a child.

537
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:07,360
My relatives treasure portraits
of me. I was curly.

538
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:08,960
You weren't!

539
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,160
Yes!

540
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,840
How lovely you must have been.

541
00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:19,800
Suggest me for it. I'd like to know
how I'd photograph in my maturity.

542
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:22,280
I haven't been done professionally
for ages.

543
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,360
Leave it to me.

544
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:26,080
Thank you.

545
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,080
Good morning, gentlemen.

546
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:35,440
I'm your model.

547
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,680
Can't believe it, eh? I understand.

548
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:44,400
There's no point being modest -
I have the perfect face
for photography.

549
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:52,880
We're very grateful. None of
the top models would do it...

550
00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:55,400
Sorry. Would do, I mean.

551
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,880
Some of us have got it
and some of us haven't.

552
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,720
You've got it, all right.

553
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:05,720
Soon thousands of poster hoardings
will have it, too - my face.

554
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:07,600
Won't you sit down?

555
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,200
Thank you.

556
00:34:10,240 --> 00:34:12,680
Well, gentlemen, ready when you are.

557
00:34:12,720 --> 00:34:15,200
Let's go.

558
00:34:15,240 --> 00:34:18,920
Take your time.
I'm difficult to light, I know.

559
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:20,960
You're lit.

560
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,600
Oh, you know your job, I must say.

561
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:27,240
What's the product we're selling?
I mean...

562
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,200
Keep quite still.

563
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,520
DOOR SLAMS

564
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:08,040
Good morning, Sam.

565
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,920
Good morning, you say?

566
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,440
Look at that - you're late.

567
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:15,760
Only a minute. No-one else is in.

568
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,240
"Only a minute" she says. Charming.

569
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:23,160
What if Caesar had only been
a minute for the Spanish Armada...?

570
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:26,000
I don't know what I'm talking about.
(SOBS)

571
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:27,840
Sam, are you in trouble?

572
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:31,240
The worst.
What's her name?

573
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:34,440
Oh, please, it's worse than that.

574
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:38,040
Tell me about it and your worries
will disappear like a puff of smoke.

575
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,960
(Don't say "smoke"!)

576
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:44,960
If you've got a hangover,
it must be a corker. Take my tip...

577
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:46,760
Corker, tip... (MUTTERS)

578
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:52,280
Sam, what on earth is the matter?

579
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:54,720
I want it.

580
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,960
No! Cigarette, damn it.

581
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:00,440
Well, have one.

582
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:01,880
I've given it up.

583
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:04,080
Then don't have one.
I want one.

584
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:05,560
Make up your mind!

585
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,080
I have - to give it up.

586
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,080
Well, there's an end to it.

587
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:11,520
But I want one.

588
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,680
How long have you been like this?

589
00:36:14,720 --> 00:36:17,960
Since yesterday lunch time, really.
This is hell!

590
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:21,240
I've got the answer - a sweet.

591
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:23,080
A sweet.

592
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:25,440
They'll make you fat.

593
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:29,720
I couldn't stand inactivity
without a sweet.

594
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:31,600
Self-indulgency. No willpower.

595
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:32,920
Look who's talking!

596
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:34,920
I can talk if I want to.

597
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:37,520
I've been without it for 24 hours.

598
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,840
Without what?
A cigarette.

599
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:41,760
You made me say that!

600
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:43,760
Oh, look at my sweets!

601
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,240
Trying to make me say it.

602
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:50,000
Sorry, darling.
Smoke... Smoke, see?

603
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,000
Can't do without it.

604
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:55,680
I must have a smoke!
I must! I must! I must!

605
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:28,240
Better now?

606
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,400
Oh, yeah.

607
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:35,040
Sir Walter Raleigh
certainly earned his knighthood.

608
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:37,080
(SIGHS IN PLEASURE)

609
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:42,680
Isn't that strange?
Just a few puffs of that.

610
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:51,880
Oh, it makes the whole world look
sort of all... most peculiar.

611
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:56,960
Sam!

612
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:59,000
Sam!

613
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,120
It'll pass away.

614
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:04,760
So will you by the look of you.

615
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:11,000
Don't worry. It's like this when you
start smoking again after a lay-off.

616
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,560
Can you... Can you get up?

617
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:18,720
Cigarette.
Sam, no.

618
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:20,640
Please, Lil. Cigarette.

619
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,320
No, you are going to give it up.

620
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:25,360
I can't give it up, Lil.

621
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:30,240
I've tried six times and always end
up like this. I'm a slave to them.

622
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:33,320
Six times. It's disgraceful.

623
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,760
This time
you are going through with it.

624
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,080
No. I can't.

625
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:41,760
Yes, you can.
All you need is a helping hand.

626
00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:47,480
A helping hand who needs a helping
hand! I'm going to help you.

627
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:48,800
How?

628
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:52,880
I won't have a single sweet,
you won't have a single draw.

629
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:55,680
We'll both do without.

630
00:38:55,720 --> 00:38:57,360
No sweets.

631
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,520
No draws!

632
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:06,560
DOORBELL

633
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:10,000
Weiss du, was du bist? andgt;

634
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:13,200
Du bist ein ganz ekelhafter,
lumpiger Kerl!

635
00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:15,040
Ich hab' die Nase voll von dir.

636
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:16,520
Excuse me a minute.

637
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,000
Wer immer das mag sein,
mach ihn weg. andgt;

638
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,560
Just a moment, dear.

639
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:26,040
Mr Trellorny? I'm from Help...

640
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:28,040
Yes, yes, I know. Come in.

641
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:29,520
You can start work at once.

642
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:32,600
Thank you.

643
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:37,240
My dear, would you repeat
what you said just now?

644
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:41,920
Ich glaub', du hast mich sehr gut
verstanden. Raus mit ihm!

645
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:43,800
The lady wishes me to leave, sir.

646
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:46,960
I'm paying you and I say you stay.

647
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:51,600
Schick den verdammten Trottel fort!

648
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:53,600
Good gracious me!

649
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,600
What's she saying?
Eh?

650
00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:57,720
You're meant to listen. Translate.

651
00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:59,720
No, not in front of a lady.

652
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:03,360
Idiotisches Rindvieh, Sie!

653
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:04,640
Oh, I say!

654
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:07,080
I don't care what you say.
What did she say?

655
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,160
No, I couldn't. Oh, no.

656
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:11,440
Trevor...

657
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:13,560
Ah, that's better. Trevor.

658
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:18,360
My name's the same in any language.
What are we arguing about?

659
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:19,440
Ha!

660
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:21,000
Ha!

661
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:22,840
Would you elaborate?

662
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:28,040
Wenn er nicht vor der Tur sitzt,
dann ist weg mit deinem Kopf!

663
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:31,840
If I can't leave immediately,
there's to be a physical assault...

664
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,280
Stand your ground.

665
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:36,760
On you! If you'd let me finish.

666
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:40,320
Da du einen Dolmetscher hier
gestellt hast...

667
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:46,600
As you have an interpreter here,
you needn't be ignorant...

668
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,560
..of my sorrow and anger.

669
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:51,440
It is this - It is this -

670
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:53,240
Even I can get that.

671
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,480
..when a woman gets a new hairstyle
and a new hat...

672
00:40:56,520 --> 00:41:00,000
When a wife has a new hairstyle
and new hat...

673
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,880
..she expects
that her husband takes notice!

674
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:04,360
..she wants it noted.

675
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:05,720
And if he doesn't... andgt;

676
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:09,800
When it's not like that,
that can only mean one thing.

677
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:11,760
..that his interests
lies somewhere else.

678
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:13,840
His interest is elsewhere.

679
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:17,640
Probably with his new one
Slut of a stenographer!

680
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:20,680
Probably with his trollop secretary.

681
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:23,640
Is that all?

682
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:25,880
Everything?!
All?!

683
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:27,360
You silly girl!

684
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:30,280
Do you dare
to call me a stupid girl?

685
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:32,280
Don't call me a silly girl.

686
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:33,560
Oh, but you are.

687
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:40,280
It's not me! I am
a deeply passionate woman.

688
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:43,960
I'm not.
I'm a deeply passionate woman.

689
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:45,480
Oh, I know, I know.

690
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:47,760
You treat me
but not as such.

691
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,560
You don't behave as if I was one.

692
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:52,280
How can you say that?

693
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:58,360
For a whole week you have me
no sign of your love given.

694
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:02,400
For a week,
you've shown no love towards me.

695
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,000
I was too tired.

696
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,320
Ja, gewiss - meiner Mude!

697
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:07,560
Yes, tired of me.

698
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:09,320
No, no, darling.

699
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:13,040
Es ist alles die Sekretarin.

700
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:15,120
It's that stenographer.

701
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:16,400
(SOBS)

702
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:20,920
(SOBS)

703
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:22,640
There's no need to be so convincing.

704
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:27,000
I can't help it.
I think your wife's got a point.

705
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:30,280
You're here to translate, not judge.

706
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:33,200
Do you come from a broken home?

707
00:42:33,240 --> 00:42:34,720
As a matter of fact, I don't.

708
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:39,280
Well, I do.
I beg of you, think of your
children.

709
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:40,960
Ja, aber horen Sie!

710
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:42,400
We haven't got any children.

711
00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:46,880
You won't have, like this.
You tired, you with your hats.

712
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:50,320
You should be ashamed of yourselves.

713
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,520
(SOBS)

714
00:42:57,040 --> 00:43:00,280
Please... don't upset yourself.

715
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:03,360
I can't help it. (SOBS)

716
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:07,280
You're back in English.
Does that mean...

717
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:12,200
It means our trivialities are
nothing compared to the turmoil...

718
00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:16,000
..of this delicate and wounded soul.

719
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:20,440
Make up, you two.
That's the only thing to help me.

720
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:23,400
If only for my sake, make up.

721
00:43:26,240 --> 00:43:28,960
All right, then. All right.

722
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,400
Yes. Yes, nice.

723
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:34,960
Seconds out.

724
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,560
Lofty Benson! Cor blimey!

725
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:43,040
Bert Handy. A little older, but I'd
recognise that ugly mug anywhere.

726
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:45,160
You helped make it like this!

727
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:46,960
Let's sit down and have a natter.

728
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:52,160
This is business, can't stop.
I need a couple of seconds tonight.

729
00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:53,880
You're not going back in the ring?

730
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:59,600
Only the corner. I'm in management.
My fighter's Dynamite Dan Grimsby.

731
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:00,800
Never heard of him.

732
00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:03,080
You will after his fight tonight.

733
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:04,960
Who's he fighting?
Mickey McGee.

734
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:07,160
Massive Mickey? Are you punchy?

735
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:08,960
My kid's dynamite.

736
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:12,200
I'll come myself tonight, gee him
on.

737
00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:14,640
Will you?
And the seconds are on the house.

738
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:16,120
Good old Bert!

739
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,200
♪ FAIRGROUND MUSIC

740
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:35,080
Hulking great brute!
And such a show-off!

741
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:40,160
Bit nervy. There, not to worry.

742
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:43,160
Just one big whack in his fat belly.

743
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:45,360
That'll knock the wind out of him.

744
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:47,400
Who? Me?

745
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:51,320
I give the advice around here.
Massage his back.

746
00:44:59,920 --> 00:45:02,320
Aargh! Oooh!

747
00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:04,200
So sorry. I do beg your pardon.

748
00:45:04,240 --> 00:45:08,240
Owww! He's hurt my finger. Owww!

749
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,360
Get this one off, too.

750
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,640
Oooooh!

751
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:14,440
You'll be all right, son.

752
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:17,560
It's a right horrible sprain.
I can't fight.

753
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:19,000
You've got to.

754
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:22,520
With one hand?
How can you be so inhuman?

755
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:25,400
Shut up! Listen, Dan, Dan...

756
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:27,160
..is a very hurt man.

757
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:29,200
Ready, champ?

758
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:31,800
Ready?

759
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:33,200
No, not tonight.

760
00:45:33,240 --> 00:45:35,880
Eh?

761
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:38,800
He's only sprained his little
finger.

762
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:45,480
Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention, please.

763
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:52,120
Dynamite Dan Grimsby
is forced to withdraw
owing to a sprained little finger.

764
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,480
JEERS

765
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:57,040
In place of the main bout...

766
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,320
(LAUGHS)

767
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:02,760
Oh, you unsympathetic lump!

768
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:04,760
Why doesn't somebody punch him?

769
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,080
Why don't you? It's your fault.

770
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:21,560
Gabe!

771
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:23,320
Come here, Gabe.

772
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:29,160
Hey, you. Come on back and fight.

773
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:35,160
What are you waiting for?
Do I have to strike the first blow?

774
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:38,000
Very well, then,
don't say I didn't warn you.

775
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:45,840
Oh, no, I'm not ready.

776
00:46:56,480 --> 00:47:00,640
Hey, ref! He can't hit him,
he's got his glasses on!

777
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:23,240
Come on, Gabe! Get at him!

778
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,040
Run, Gabe! Run!

779
00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:39,080
Faster!

780
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:43,760
Get out! Jump out!

781
00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:49,840
(LAUGHS)

782
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:57,680
He's coming, Gabe!

783
00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:01,320
He's got him!

784
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:06,760
Well done, Gabe!

785
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:08,800
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

786
00:48:16,240 --> 00:48:17,520
PHONE RINGS

787
00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:20,800
Yes?

788
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:27,200
I see. How very disappointing.

789
00:48:27,240 --> 00:48:31,040
I shall have to make
alternative arrangements.

790
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:33,080
Take care. Goodbye.

791
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:47,960
PHONE RINGS

792
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,520
Helping Hands Ltd.

793
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:55,000
I beg your pardon? I'm sorry, sir,
I can't understand...

794
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,680
Oh! Too loud now.

795
00:48:57,720 --> 00:48:59,960
andlt; I still can't understand.

796
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:04,240
Now, sir, what was it you wanted?

797
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:06,480
Yes... yes...

798
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:10,080
The what?! Are you sure?

799
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:15,600
Well, I'm sorry, but I find it
difficult to understand you.

800
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:18,840
Yes,
of course I've got a note of it.

801
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:21,720
andlt; Forth Bridge, rest assured.

802
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:23,760
Goodbye.

803
00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:32,240
Oh, I wish I'd turned it down.

804
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:36,040
I'm glad you didn't.
I mean, this to me is... it...

805
00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:42,320
..it's adventure. It's like -
what's it called? - "The 39 Steps".

806
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:46,920
Oh, I didn't hear him very well.
It's all so indefinite.

807
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:54,520
But these things usually are.
The agent cool, alert and debonair.

808
00:49:54,560 --> 00:50:01,280
He's only ever given a rendezvous;
he receives his instructions there.

809
00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:04,960
I might even be contacted
on the train.

810
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:09,880
Ah, Scotland -
lot of hydroelectric stuff up there.

811
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:15,560
Bet this has something to do
with atomic energy.

812
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:19,160
Gracious,
I hope you don't end up in Russia!

813
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:24,200
If I do, I shall behave as an
ex-corporal of the Pioneers should.

814
00:50:24,240 --> 00:50:27,640
Name, rank and number,
and hands off my shovel.

815
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:31,040
Don't go! Think of brainwashing!

816
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:34,440
How can they wash what isn't there?

817
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:38,280
Er, by that I mean
I don't know anything. Yet.

818
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:42,560
Excuse me, Miss Cooling, my train.

819
00:50:47,720 --> 00:50:50,280
Well, au revoir, Miss Cooling.

820
00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:53,040
Or maybe goodbye.

821
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:54,880
Oh, dear!

822
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:02,400
TRAIN WHISTLES

823
00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:20,680
Going all the way?

824
00:51:20,720 --> 00:51:22,200
Uh-huh.

825
00:51:22,240 --> 00:51:24,680
That's our man, then.

826
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:31,600
Oh!

827
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:17,760
Thank you.

828
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:20,800
(AMERICAN ACCENT)
You're not English.

829
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:24,040
And you're not Chinese - so what?

830
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:27,560
So this -
we might be on the same journey.

831
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:31,000
Of course we are.

832
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:03,440
OK, I'm persevering.

833
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:05,160
I don't like it.

834
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:08,280
Quit the pretence, I'm your man.

835
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:09,680
What?!

836
00:53:09,720 --> 00:53:14,640
I'm glad we met. I wasn't looking
forward to jumping off the train.

837
00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:15,840
Huh?!

838
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:19,280
But if you say we jump,
then we jump.

839
00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:21,720
Can we talk this over
somewhere less public?

840
00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:30,440
(DROPS ACCENT) Sorry, mate.

841
00:53:30,480 --> 00:53:33,920
Ugh, brown Windsor! Ugh!

842
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:43,120
'(AMERICAN) This is it.
Here's the bridge.'

843
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:46,600
'Listen, you've got to jump out.'

844
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:50,800
There's not going to be any contact
on the train.'

845
00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:54,560
'When you jump,
let every muscle go slack.'

846
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:57,120
'NOT NOW, STUPID!'

847
00:53:57,160 --> 00:53:58,760
'When you jump.'

848
00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:02,840
'You're not nervous now, are you?'

849
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:04,000
FLUSHES LOO

850
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:08,600
(HIGH) No!

851
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:14,480
'OK, kid, near the bridge now -
your rendezvous, the bridge.
Get going!'

852
00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:23,200
'Maybe... maybe there is a contact
on the train... waiting for you.'

853
00:54:23,240 --> 00:54:29,600
'Yes, that's it -
waiting till the last minute -
yes - to test your nerve...

854
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:32,360
to see if you will prepare to jump.'

855
00:54:47,120 --> 00:54:48,520
'Scuse me.

856
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:51,680
Have you any orders for me, sir?

857
00:54:51,720 --> 00:54:53,840
Orders?! I just want to pass.

858
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:55,280
Sure, sir?

859
00:54:55,320 --> 00:54:57,000
Quite sure.

860
00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:58,560
Don't you want me for anything, sir?

861
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:01,640
No, I do not!

862
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:07,680
PHONE RINGS

863
00:56:07,720 --> 00:56:12,320
Helping Hands... Oh, yes...
Oh, it's you!

864
00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:18,440
Oh, yes, most honoured we are, sir.
I trust it's going according to
plan.

865
00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:20,280
My man went to the Forth Bridge...

866
00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:21,960
Went where?

867
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:24,000
To the Forth Bridge, as you said.

868
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:28,160
No! I wanted a fourth at bridge!

869
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:31,200
Oh... a fourth at bridge...

870
00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:51,960
This is it, Mr Handy.

871
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:58,000
Thank you, Miss Cooling.
No matter how well a firm is doing,
it needs publicity.

872
00:56:58,040 --> 00:56:59,120
Yeah.

873
00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:04,160
Shut up! And that could well be
the finest publicity we could have.

874
00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:14,080
Obviously, in a kitchen like this
work is a luxurious pleasure.

875
00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:16,760
You can do so many things at once.

876
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:22,640
Good set-up, old chap.
Thank you, sir.

877
00:57:22,680 --> 00:57:24,960
But the PC's missing. The PC?

878
00:57:26,080 --> 00:57:27,080
Popsy cupboard.

879
00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:30,400
Now, musn't be naughty!

880
00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:34,640
Unimanual control, and it will go
as fast as you like. Observe!

881
00:57:40,080 --> 00:57:43,360
LAUGHTER

882
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:47,280
I say! There is a popsy cupboard
after all.

883
00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:53,200
(HUMS)

884
00:57:53,240 --> 00:57:58,720
Perfect safety. Fixed in a flash
and unfixed likewise.

885
00:58:17,480 --> 00:58:21,760
None of you children want to rock
on the rocking horse?

886
00:58:21,800 --> 00:58:23,400
Ride it yourself!

887
00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:25,560
I know what you want.

888
00:58:25,600 --> 00:58:29,640
Come along, a swing -
anyone like a swing?

889
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:31,800
No.

890
00:58:31,840 --> 00:58:33,800
I'll have a swing myself.

891
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:36,960
Just to show you. Isn't it lovely?
Look at me!

892
00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:38,360
Oh!

893
00:58:38,400 --> 00:58:40,760
CHILDREN LAUGH

894
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:49,200
(SNEEZES)

895
00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:53,080
The safety belt makes
window-cleaning so cosy.

896
00:58:53,120 --> 00:58:57,720
It pays for itself
in six tiny months. Ridiculous!

897
00:58:57,760 --> 00:59:02,600
Won't any little boy or girl sit
on the other end and rock with me?

898
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:05,440
ALL: No! A grown-up, then?

899
00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:07,880
To unharness the safety belt,
all you do is...

900
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:09,360
AAAGH!

901
00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:10,880
Oh!

902
00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:14,240
I'm sorry, Lily.

903
00:59:14,280 --> 00:59:16,400
You made a wave!

904
00:59:16,440 --> 00:59:18,480
LAUGHTER

905
00:59:18,520 --> 00:59:20,520
Who's the boiler?

906
00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:23,800
Ooh!

907
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:26,640
(POSH)
May I ask you to move closer?

908
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:36,480
Thank you. I do not wish to raise
my voice too loudly, in case I wake
the people in the next house.

909
00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:41,720
May I introduce you to the
Bed of the Century? Here it is.

910
00:59:41,760 --> 00:59:46,240
Whatever you do in bed,
this bed helps you do it better.

911
00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:48,240
LAUGHTER

912
00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:52,120
Do you not believe me, madam?
Come to bed with me!

913
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:55,920
First...
the neighbours may be watching...

914
00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:58,320
That's better.

915
00:59:58,360 --> 01:00:01,280
And so, to bed,
and we will find out.

916
01:00:11,960 --> 01:00:13,600
(GIGGLES)

917
01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:17,360
A little television, perhaps?

918
01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:23,200
The early morning cup of tea?

919
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:28,800
Or maybe you fancy a snack?

920
01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:30,840
La buffet.

921
01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:36,640
Perhaps you would like
a nice, cosy read?

922
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:42,040
Voila!

923
01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:49,240
Or maybe you've come to bed merely
to sleep? Can happen, of course.

924
01:00:49,280 --> 01:00:53,760
Very well... Just recline
on the Bed of the Century.

925
01:00:57,040 --> 01:00:59,040
Ooh!

926
01:01:00,040 --> 01:01:02,800
The position not quite right, no?

927
01:01:02,840 --> 01:01:05,080
How often that can happen.

928
01:01:06,080 --> 01:01:10,920
The Bed of the Century will solve
this small problem for you.

929
01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:13,680
Merely recline - do not move.

930
01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:17,560
Our mould-to-the-body mattress
does it all for you.

931
01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:19,720
Watch, watch, watch.

932
01:01:22,960 --> 01:01:24,920
(DROPS POSH VOICE)
Eh? What's going on?

933
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:32,120
Fred! There's something wrong
with the bed, Fred!

934
01:01:34,080 --> 01:01:35,840
GUNSHOT

935
01:01:35,880 --> 01:01:37,880
Wagon train!

936
01:01:45,840 --> 01:01:49,400
One for the pot!
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)

937
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:03,240
SHOES SQUEAK

938
01:02:06,440 --> 01:02:08,440
Hey, you!

939
01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:13,560
You're not our Lou.

940
01:02:13,600 --> 01:02:19,280
No. Your Lou's a bit off colour
today, so I come to take his place.

941
01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:21,440
In there? Never!

942
01:02:21,480 --> 01:02:24,960
It's OK, I know the rule - silence.

943
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:27,240
You're not trained for it.

944
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:30,120
Oh, come, come, come, please, Sarge.

945
01:02:30,160 --> 01:02:35,520
What training do you need to keep
quiet for a few hours? Don't worry!

946
01:02:36,520 --> 01:02:38,520
SHOES SQUEAK

947
01:02:43,600 --> 01:02:45,560
DOOR CREAKS

948
01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:47,600
Shh!

949
01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:24,520
(BUZZES)

950
01:03:51,440 --> 01:03:53,440
(LAUGHS QUIETLY)

951
01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:12,120
(SNORTS AND GIGGLES)

952
01:04:18,640 --> 01:04:20,440
(LAUGHS)

953
01:04:28,440 --> 01:04:30,120
(CACKLES)

954
01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:38,280
Quiet! Quiet!

955
01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:43,640
QUIET!!!

956
01:04:43,680 --> 01:04:45,360
You mustn't speak!

957
01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:54,120
Good morning, Mr Handy.

958
01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:55,720
You look dazed.

959
01:04:55,760 --> 01:04:56,760
I am.

960
01:05:00,280 --> 01:05:02,360
What's it all for?

961
01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:04,760
Streamlined organisation.

962
01:05:04,800 --> 01:05:09,720
If it's good for the business,
of course. Perhaps you'll explain.

963
01:05:09,760 --> 01:05:12,080
I have made terrible mistakes.

964
01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:14,600
You're a tower of strength!

965
01:05:14,640 --> 01:05:20,160
Every tower needs foundations,
and these are mine.

966
01:05:20,200 --> 01:05:25,080
Each job is filed here, cross-
referenced there, costed here...

967
01:05:25,120 --> 01:05:27,480
..assigned to an available operator.

968
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:31,880
All of which is secondary
to the operative procedure.

969
01:05:31,920 --> 01:05:33,600
Oh, yes, operative, yeah.

970
01:05:40,200 --> 01:05:42,200
Oh, b...
BROOM CLATTERS

971
01:05:53,560 --> 01:05:56,160
Oh, I don't suppose it'll matter.

972
01:06:04,080 --> 01:06:05,400
Morning!

973
01:06:05,440 --> 01:06:07,880
Morning.

974
01:06:07,920 --> 01:06:09,840
Ingenious system, eh?

975
01:06:09,880 --> 01:06:12,200
Oh, yes. No possibility of error?

976
01:06:12,240 --> 01:06:14,040
None whatsoever.

977
01:06:14,080 --> 01:06:16,760
Going my way?
No.

978
01:06:16,800 --> 01:06:18,520
I thought we'd share a taxi.

979
01:06:18,560 --> 01:06:22,040
Well,
I'm already thinking in Chinese.

980
01:06:22,080 --> 01:06:23,160
Chinese?

981
01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:26,720
Interpreting's my job today. Bye!

982
01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:30,720
Chinese - I wonder if it's true
what they say.

983
01:06:30,760 --> 01:06:32,520
Francis!

984
01:06:40,880 --> 01:06:41,920
Good morning, Madam.

985
01:06:41,960 --> 01:06:44,200
Toushan.
Pardon?

986
01:06:44,240 --> 01:06:46,320
Toushan.

987
01:06:46,360 --> 01:06:48,440
Of course!

988
01:06:48,480 --> 01:06:53,680
(SLOWLY) Coincidence - a friend
of mine has gone all Chinese
this morning as well.

989
01:06:56,120 --> 01:06:58,800
May - I - come - in?

990
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:06,240
(ALL SPEAK IN CHINESE LANGUAGE)

991
01:07:14,520 --> 01:07:17,520
Please! Wait a minute! Look, please!

992
01:07:19,040 --> 01:07:20,720
There's been a mistake.

993
01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:24,320
Mistake? It's impossible.
Gracious me!

994
01:07:24,360 --> 01:07:27,240
This must be Fr-Francisesis's job.

995
01:07:34,000 --> 01:07:36,040
What platform for Ely?

996
01:07:36,080 --> 01:07:37,240
Number one, over there.

997
01:07:37,280 --> 01:07:41,400
Thank you. I'll show them
if I need a keeper.

998
01:07:46,160 --> 01:07:47,920
andlt; Come along, girls.

999
01:07:50,280 --> 01:07:53,280
Good morning.
I'm your Helping Hand, I fancy.

1000
01:07:53,320 --> 01:07:55,000
Go away.

1001
01:07:55,040 --> 01:07:58,560
Oh, you expected me to be Chinese.

1002
01:07:58,600 --> 01:08:00,040
Chinese?

1003
01:08:00,080 --> 01:08:03,400
I expected your girls
to be Chinese too.

1004
01:08:03,440 --> 01:08:05,800
I don't know
what you're talking about.

1005
01:08:05,840 --> 01:08:08,240
As soon as I saw their breast...

1006
01:08:08,280 --> 01:08:09,600
I beg your pardon!

1007
01:08:09,640 --> 01:08:13,160
Breast pockets.
I put two and two together.

1008
01:08:13,200 --> 01:08:15,560
I want a policeman.

1009
01:08:15,600 --> 01:08:18,040
I'll offer you
a much better service.

1010
01:08:18,080 --> 01:08:22,160
I speak Chinese,
with a slight Cantonese accent.

1011
01:08:22,200 --> 01:08:26,840
An interesting group of girls.
European, of course.

1012
01:08:26,880 --> 01:08:32,720
On their first contact with London
they'll need me to, er...

1013
01:08:32,760 --> 01:08:35,240
Shall we begin?
Begin what?

1014
01:08:35,280 --> 01:08:39,360
I'll go in the first taxi
with some of the girls...

1015
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:40,960
Police!

1016
01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:44,120
Madam...
Police!

1017
01:08:44,160 --> 01:08:46,400
What's the trouble?

1018
01:08:46,440 --> 01:08:48,960
I'm ready to pick up
this woman's girls.

1019
01:08:49,000 --> 01:08:50,240
Oh?

1020
01:08:50,280 --> 01:08:52,080
Yes, I speak Chinese.
You speak what?

1021
01:08:52,120 --> 01:08:53,680
Can't you understand English?

1022
01:08:53,720 --> 01:08:55,560
Arrest this man.

1023
01:08:55,600 --> 01:08:57,440
GIRLS: No, don't!

1024
01:08:57,480 --> 01:08:59,440
They speak English.

1025
01:08:59,480 --> 01:09:00,680
So what?

1026
01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:02,520
They should speak Chinese.

1027
01:09:02,560 --> 01:09:07,720
What am I doing here if they can
speak English as well as what
we can?

1028
01:09:07,760 --> 01:09:08,960
Arrest this man.

1029
01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:11,560
I'm working, I'm a linguist.

1030
01:09:11,600 --> 01:09:13,360
That's a new name for it.

1031
01:09:13,400 --> 01:09:14,640
How dare you!

1032
01:09:14,680 --> 01:09:15,760
Shut up!

1033
01:09:15,800 --> 01:09:18,440
Aw! They're handling a genius.

1034
01:09:18,480 --> 01:09:22,400
I protest! Ah! Ah! Ah! Aw! Ah!

1035
01:09:26,320 --> 01:09:28,440
BELL RINGS

1036
01:09:30,680 --> 01:09:32,720
You're Martin Paul, the actor.

1037
01:09:33,840 --> 01:09:35,320
That's right.

1038
01:09:35,360 --> 01:09:37,320
I thought this wasn't
a beauty salon.

1039
01:09:37,360 --> 01:09:41,120
Pardon? Oh, won't you
please come in?

1040
01:09:42,080 --> 01:09:45,640
I'm demonstrating
a new beauty treatment.

1041
01:09:45,680 --> 01:09:47,400
A very pretty mistake too.

1042
01:09:47,440 --> 01:09:48,680
Mr Paul, please.

1043
01:09:48,720 --> 01:09:52,440
You can help me dress and undress.

1044
01:09:52,480 --> 01:09:54,080
Mr Paul, really!

1045
01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:55,720
I like Helping Hands.

1046
01:09:55,760 --> 01:09:57,640
Not helping yourself hands!

1047
01:09:57,680 --> 01:10:00,160
But you don't understand.
Will you please control yourself?

1048
01:10:00,200 --> 01:10:04,600
My fifth marriage has just ended.
What's that got to do with it?

1049
01:10:04,640 --> 01:10:08,160
Console me, have pity on me
in my hour of need.

1050
01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:10,720
Who knows, you may
well be number six!

1051
01:10:10,760 --> 01:10:14,040
Waaa! Not on your nelly! I'm off.

1052
01:10:21,560 --> 01:10:23,680
Pity.

1053
01:10:31,880 --> 01:10:33,200
Morning, sir.

1054
01:10:33,240 --> 01:10:35,040
Is the rehearsal being held here?

1055
01:10:35,080 --> 01:10:37,240
It's a demonstration.

1056
01:10:37,280 --> 01:10:39,040
Where's Mr Paul?

1057
01:10:39,080 --> 01:10:40,520
Who's Mr Paul?

1058
01:10:40,560 --> 01:10:44,160
There's been a mistake.

1059
01:10:44,200 --> 01:10:49,800
I've assembled the beauty trade
to watch a lovely girl
undergoing our latest routine.

1060
01:10:49,840 --> 01:10:53,080
Have I got a girl? No!

1061
01:10:53,120 --> 01:10:54,240
Steady on.

1062
01:10:54,280 --> 01:10:56,320
I've got you and I don't want you.

1063
01:11:05,080 --> 01:11:09,240
Hello. Togetherness Marriage Agency?

1064
01:11:11,280 --> 01:11:16,400
It's three minutes after the time
she's supposed to have arrived.

1065
01:11:16,440 --> 01:11:23,800
I'm on the verge
of a most important meeting
and you can't get her here on time.

1066
01:11:25,760 --> 01:11:30,440
I am extremely dissatisfied.
The next time I want a wife
I shall take my custom elsewhere.

1067
01:11:30,480 --> 01:11:32,120
DOORBELL RINGS

1068
01:11:33,880 --> 01:11:35,640
She's here.

1069
01:11:44,000 --> 01:11:45,280
Mr Beamish?

1070
01:11:45,320 --> 01:11:47,160
Oh, yes.

1071
01:11:49,080 --> 01:11:53,040
I know everything's
going to be all right.

1072
01:11:53,080 --> 01:11:55,040
There's no reason
why it shouldn't be.

1073
01:11:55,080 --> 01:11:57,640
How exquisite, how exciting.

1074
01:11:59,200 --> 01:12:01,120
May I come in?

1075
01:12:01,160 --> 01:12:03,040
Oh, please do.

1076
01:12:08,520 --> 01:12:10,800
How thoughtful to bring flowers.

1077
01:12:10,840 --> 01:12:14,880
That's what you wanted -
a woman's touch in your home.

1078
01:12:14,920 --> 01:12:16,160
Do sit down.

1079
01:12:16,200 --> 01:12:21,600
I can't sit down, there's so much to
do. Where do you want me to start?

1080
01:12:21,640 --> 01:12:24,280
I'll leave that to you.

1081
01:12:25,600 --> 01:12:27,520
That doesn't look very comfortable.

1082
01:12:32,040 --> 01:12:35,040
Comfortable enough for anybody now.

1083
01:12:37,120 --> 01:12:40,640
Yes. Isn't it wonderful,
we're the same religion.

1084
01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:41,800
Eh?

1085
01:12:41,840 --> 01:12:45,120
Isn't it good the agency
takes care of such things?

1086
01:12:45,160 --> 01:12:46,640
Do they?

1087
01:12:46,680 --> 01:12:49,600
Definitely.

1088
01:12:49,640 --> 01:12:52,040
Your beliefs don't concern me.

1089
01:12:52,080 --> 01:12:56,040
The important thing is to
get on with the job and enjoy it.

1090
01:12:56,080 --> 01:12:58,880
But don't you want to talk?

1091
01:12:58,920 --> 01:13:03,120
Talk? We both know what I'm here
to do. What's there to talk about?

1092
01:13:03,160 --> 01:13:05,640
You sound more experienced
than I imagined.

1093
01:13:05,680 --> 01:13:07,720
I've had plenty of variety.

1094
01:13:07,760 --> 01:13:08,760
Variety?

1095
01:13:08,800 --> 01:13:10,560
That's why I joined.

1096
01:13:10,600 --> 01:13:11,960
Of course.

1097
01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:15,640
I don't mind. You must
take the rough with the smooth.

1098
01:13:15,680 --> 01:13:16,960
What are you doing?

1099
01:13:17,000 --> 01:13:19,000
Stripping for action.

1100
01:13:19,040 --> 01:13:23,680
I like to be comfy.
You don't have to do anything.

1101
01:13:23,720 --> 01:13:25,120
I think you ought to go.

1102
01:13:25,160 --> 01:13:28,080
But I haven't done anything yet.

1103
01:13:28,120 --> 01:13:29,240
And I don't want you to.

1104
01:13:30,560 --> 01:13:32,680
There's been a mistake.

1105
01:13:32,720 --> 01:13:34,640
You specifically asked for flowers.

1106
01:13:34,680 --> 01:13:36,640
I've got the letter here.

1107
01:13:36,680 --> 01:13:37,840
Show me.

1108
01:13:37,880 --> 01:13:40,040
Show me.

1109
01:13:48,600 --> 01:13:50,200
Helping Hands.

1110
01:13:50,240 --> 01:13:52,920
Marriage agency?

1111
01:13:54,120 --> 01:14:00,440
I thought you wanted someone to tidy
the place, a woman's touch for...

1112
01:14:00,480 --> 01:14:03,960
A tea party for my aunt
in two weeks' time.

1113
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:09,080
Here we are. Aren't they lambs?

1114
01:14:09,120 --> 01:14:11,960
They look like birds to me.

1115
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:15,320
(CHUCKLES) Where's the show, then?

1116
01:14:15,360 --> 01:14:17,720
Olympia, next year.

1117
01:14:17,760 --> 01:14:21,320
No, I mean your show.
That must be a corker.

1118
01:14:21,360 --> 01:14:22,960
Must it?

1119
01:14:23,000 --> 01:14:26,640
You're crafty. You're dead crafty.

1120
01:14:26,680 --> 01:14:30,360
It looks like an ordinary house.
Where do you keep them?

1121
01:14:30,400 --> 01:14:31,480
Keep what?

1122
01:14:31,520 --> 01:14:32,760
You know.

1123
01:14:32,800 --> 01:14:34,240
But I don't.

1124
01:14:34,280 --> 01:14:38,400
You can rely on discretion with us.

1125
01:14:38,440 --> 01:14:41,240
If you want me to do the job,
I must know where they are.

1126
01:14:41,280 --> 01:14:45,000
But they're here. Can you not see?

1127
01:14:47,240 --> 01:14:49,120
Where?

1128
01:14:49,160 --> 01:14:50,640
What do you mean?

1129
01:14:50,680 --> 01:14:52,800
Where do the girls undress?!

1130
01:14:52,840 --> 01:14:54,840
There are no girls here.

1131
01:14:54,880 --> 01:14:56,480
Who does undress here, then?

1132
01:14:56,520 --> 01:14:59,560
Only the old woman
when she goes to bed.

1133
01:14:59,600 --> 01:15:01,160
Put his head in a bucket.

1134
01:15:01,200 --> 01:15:03,200
You do and I'll bite your thumb off.

1135
01:15:03,240 --> 01:15:04,960
Get out of it.

1136
01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:07,520
You are from Helping Hands?

1137
01:15:07,560 --> 01:15:10,520
Of course, I'm your chucker-out.

1138
01:15:10,560 --> 01:15:13,400
There's been a mistake.

1139
01:15:13,440 --> 01:15:15,440
♪ SLOW JAZZ

1140
01:15:23,920 --> 01:15:25,400
Oh, hello.

1141
01:15:25,440 --> 01:15:26,880
What do you want?

1142
01:15:26,920 --> 01:15:29,800
Your birds. What sort are they?

1143
01:15:29,840 --> 01:15:31,640
What sort do you like?

1144
01:15:31,680 --> 01:15:33,920
Blue tits. Have you got any?

1145
01:15:33,960 --> 01:15:36,440
No, we've got central heating.

1146
01:15:36,480 --> 01:15:38,480
Oh, tropical birds.

1147
01:15:38,520 --> 01:15:40,280
We have one from Ceylon.

1148
01:15:40,320 --> 01:15:45,040
Oh, my goodness, how do I keep
the poor things warm in a taxi?

1149
01:15:45,080 --> 01:15:51,240
Look, chum, this is a respectable
place, you could bring your aunt.

1150
01:15:51,280 --> 01:15:53,760
Oh, thank you.

1151
01:15:53,800 --> 01:15:55,840
You're not from Helping Hands?

1152
01:15:55,880 --> 01:15:57,280
Yes.

1153
01:15:57,320 --> 01:15:58,840
You made a mistake.

1154
01:15:58,880 --> 01:16:01,200
I can't, we've got a system.

1155
01:16:01,240 --> 01:16:07,160
I asked for a chucker-out.
We've had trouble with gatecrashers.

1156
01:16:07,200 --> 01:16:09,520
I wanted somebody tough
to turf them out.

1157
01:16:09,560 --> 01:16:10,800
And you got me.

1158
01:16:10,840 --> 01:16:12,320
Yeah.

1159
01:16:12,360 --> 01:16:17,360
Yes. A job's a job, orders
are orders. When do I start?

1160
01:16:17,400 --> 01:16:20,560
You mean you'll take the job?

1161
01:16:20,600 --> 01:16:22,560
Yes, please.

1162
01:16:22,600 --> 01:16:24,680
Well, bully for you.

1163
01:16:24,720 --> 01:16:27,400
Thanks.

1164
01:16:27,440 --> 01:16:28,840
andlt; APPLAUSE

1165
01:16:28,880 --> 01:16:31,920
Oh, I say!

1166
01:16:31,960 --> 01:16:34,920
I couldn't bring my aunty here. andgt;

1167
01:16:38,560 --> 01:16:39,720
Thank you.

1168
01:16:39,760 --> 01:16:42,040
You're welcome.

1169
01:16:42,080 --> 01:16:44,480
Gee up, gee up, gee up!

1170
01:16:44,520 --> 01:16:46,160
You need a punch up the beak.

1171
01:16:53,640 --> 01:16:55,600
How do you do?

1172
01:16:55,640 --> 01:17:00,960
I was thinking early busy, wondering
if you're ready for the frail.

1173
01:17:01,000 --> 01:17:06,520
Sir, perhaps I'll understand you
if you talk slowly.

1174
01:17:06,560 --> 01:17:10,000
Do me a favour - slowly.

1175
01:17:10,040 --> 01:17:17,360
For many crowthers, I have omster
investor moerd craymen foil.

1176
01:17:17,400 --> 01:17:19,880
I just don't understand him.

1177
01:17:19,920 --> 01:17:21,800
I do.

1178
01:17:21,840 --> 01:17:24,160
You do?

1179
01:17:24,200 --> 01:17:25,520
He gobbledegooks.

1180
01:17:25,560 --> 01:17:27,280
I don't care what he is.

1181
01:17:27,320 --> 01:17:28,840
You don't understand.

1182
01:17:28,880 --> 01:17:30,720
I know. Translate it.

1183
01:17:30,760 --> 01:17:32,040
How do you do?

1184
01:17:32,080 --> 01:17:34,000
How do you do?
Minda plow interpri?

1185
01:17:34,040 --> 01:17:37,000
Well, how extraordin necessar tooly.

1186
01:17:37,040 --> 01:17:41,800
You can strowl and tell
Mr hayden there was goeden.

1187
01:17:41,840 --> 01:17:46,280
Prepare yourself for a shock.
This is your landlord...

1188
01:17:46,320 --> 01:17:48,560
..and he's just given you notice.

1189
01:17:48,600 --> 01:17:53,160
Because I don't talk
his language? Racial prejudice.

1190
01:17:53,200 --> 01:17:56,960
No prejudice. Kalaba boawal.

1191
01:17:57,000 --> 01:18:01,520
Each man's
investment bowl futures.

1192
01:18:01,560 --> 01:18:05,000
And therefore us all upsars.

1193
01:18:05,040 --> 01:18:08,120
He's just received a much
better offer for these premises.

1194
01:18:08,160 --> 01:18:10,160
That's nice!

1195
01:18:10,200 --> 01:18:12,840
Just as we were settling in
so comfortably.

1196
01:18:12,880 --> 01:18:15,720
I don't realise the problem sown.

1197
01:18:15,760 --> 01:18:19,280
Get the message home for weeks.

1198
01:18:19,320 --> 01:18:23,400
He's been trying to tell you
for weeks about it...

1199
01:18:23,440 --> 01:18:25,840
..to soften the blow.

1200
01:18:25,880 --> 01:18:29,160
I'm sure we'd all chip in
to cover the increase.

1201
01:18:29,200 --> 01:18:31,800
ALL: Yeah.

1202
01:18:31,840 --> 01:18:34,480
No, we'll find new premises.

1203
01:18:34,520 --> 01:18:38,400
It took you three months to
find this place and it's no palace.

1204
01:18:38,440 --> 01:18:39,760
That's the end of Helping Hands.

1205
01:18:39,800 --> 01:18:42,200
Back to the labour exchange.

1206
01:18:42,240 --> 01:18:43,360
There must be some way out.

1207
01:18:43,400 --> 01:18:45,800
Yeah, that door, we're sunk.

1208
01:18:45,840 --> 01:18:48,000
Surely there's something we can do.

1209
01:18:48,040 --> 01:18:50,080
We must be sensible.

1210
01:18:50,120 --> 01:18:52,960
In his shoes, I'd do the same.

1211
01:18:53,000 --> 01:18:55,120
In his shoes, I'd run for me life.

1212
01:18:55,160 --> 01:18:56,840
It's not gonna solve our problem.

1213
01:18:56,880 --> 01:19:00,200
All conscience and shedy tear.

1214
01:19:00,240 --> 01:19:02,920
But I found a wet sea and water...

1215
01:19:02,960 --> 01:19:09,800
..but I say you can all stay remain
if you suffer generarops.

1216
01:19:09,840 --> 01:19:13,920
He's moved by our loyalty
to this enterprise...

1217
01:19:13,960 --> 01:19:17,640
..and we can stay.

1218
01:19:17,680 --> 01:19:20,480
Oh, that's nice. Thank you.

1219
01:19:20,520 --> 01:19:23,160
If we will do something for him.

1220
01:19:23,200 --> 01:19:24,240
What?

1221
01:19:24,280 --> 01:19:27,720
I'll do anything.
I'll do anything.

1222
01:19:27,760 --> 01:19:33,560
I have in this enviros beautiful
lawns a great bildis biroque...

1223
01:19:33,600 --> 01:19:39,480
..and a gargol in front entrals,
windy staircase up to the ceily...

1224
01:19:39,520 --> 01:19:45,800
..and shandy ladies, fine centra
grives with Van Goghy...

1225
01:19:45,840 --> 01:19:51,440
..and if anyone come works
themselves to stickabick...

1226
01:19:51,480 --> 01:19:56,280
..this leasy is handy-ho, garba.

1227
01:19:57,440 --> 01:20:02,680
His main business
is property development.

1228
01:20:03,640 --> 01:20:07,720
He's bought the oldest,
dirtiest house he's ever had...

1229
01:20:07,760 --> 01:20:10,320
..and the cleaning bill is
prohibitive.

1230
01:20:10,360 --> 01:20:15,640
If we all clean it for him,
he'll give us a 99-years lease.

1231
01:20:18,440 --> 01:20:20,120
Why not make it the round 100?

1232
01:20:20,160 --> 01:20:21,480
You shuppy caky.

1233
01:20:21,520 --> 01:20:22,760
You shut your cakehole.

1234
01:20:38,800 --> 01:20:41,680
It'll take 99 years
to clear up this dump.

1235
01:20:41,720 --> 01:20:44,240
Yeah, well, step by step.

1236
01:20:44,280 --> 01:20:46,800
OK, boss, where do we start?

1237
01:20:46,840 --> 01:20:51,080
To make it easier to walk about,
the floor first.

1238
01:20:51,120 --> 01:20:54,480
It's better to start
at the top of the house.

1239
01:20:54,520 --> 01:20:57,800
Disturbed dust will fall down and
muck up what we've already cleaned.

1240
01:20:57,840 --> 01:21:02,120
May I submit for the sake
of efficient team working...

1241
01:21:02,160 --> 01:21:04,680
..that we all belt up.

1242
01:21:04,720 --> 01:21:06,680
Always the gent.

1243
01:21:06,720 --> 01:21:11,040
Let's put ourselves
in the hands of Sir Handy.

1244
01:21:11,080 --> 01:21:16,280
I like it noted I suggested
the suggestion I suggested.

1245
01:21:16,320 --> 01:21:18,200
Very suggestive it was too.

1246
01:21:18,240 --> 01:21:20,520
Over here, please.

1247
01:21:20,560 --> 01:21:22,280
Who's the scrubber?

1248
01:21:25,800 --> 01:21:27,080
In a straight line.

1249
01:21:28,800 --> 01:21:32,280
Get in a straight line. Come on.

1250
01:21:32,320 --> 01:21:35,880
Right now, you ready? Quick sweep!

1251
01:21:35,920 --> 01:21:39,240
ALL: One, two, one, two, one, two...

1252
01:21:39,280 --> 01:21:42,920
CHOKING

1253
01:21:42,960 --> 01:21:45,760
I'll get some water.

1254
01:21:45,800 --> 01:21:47,800
(COUGHS)

1255
01:21:53,400 --> 01:21:59,960
Here, there's no water, we'll have
to turn on... the... the main.

1256
01:22:01,800 --> 01:22:04,320
The water mains.

1257
01:22:04,360 --> 01:22:06,840
Wonder where they are.

1258
01:22:08,240 --> 01:22:10,560
It's usually in the cellar.

1259
01:22:13,440 --> 01:22:18,160
I'll nip down and look. If I find it
I'll shout, you turn the tap on.

1260
01:22:18,200 --> 01:22:19,840
THUD

1261
01:22:19,880 --> 01:22:22,000
Mr Handy!

1262
01:22:22,040 --> 01:22:24,120
andlt; Turn the flaming light on!

1263
01:22:24,160 --> 01:22:27,960
Oh, yes, but I'm not sure
where they put the...

1264
01:22:28,000 --> 01:22:29,840
Argh!
THUD

1265
01:22:29,880 --> 01:22:32,440
Don't go, there's so few left.

1266
01:22:32,480 --> 01:22:34,760
andlt; Where's the flaming light?!

1267
01:22:34,800 --> 01:22:37,400
The electricity
doesn't seem to be connected.

1268
01:22:37,440 --> 01:22:41,120
Someone might have told you
the stairs begin immediately.

1269
01:22:41,160 --> 01:22:42,880
andlt; Well, they didn't, did they?!

1270
01:22:42,920 --> 01:22:45,400
andlt; No, they didn't! Ohhh!

1271
01:22:45,440 --> 01:22:48,160
Can you find the water main
in the dark?

1272
01:22:48,200 --> 01:22:50,240
andlt; I'll try.

1273
01:22:50,280 --> 01:22:54,880
andlt; Oh, blimey! I found it
with my blasted shin!

1274
01:22:54,920 --> 01:22:57,680
andlt; Help, don't just stand there!

1275
01:22:57,720 --> 01:23:03,320
andlt; I say, how did you know
where I was standing? Ooooh!

1276
01:23:03,360 --> 01:23:06,160
I've just remembered,
I left the tap turned on.

1277
01:23:06,200 --> 01:23:08,280
andlt; We got it! Yeah!

1278
01:23:08,320 --> 01:23:09,600
andlt; Hurray!

1279
01:23:11,480 --> 01:23:13,920
WOMEN SCREAM

1280
01:23:22,680 --> 01:23:24,200
Women and children first!

1281
01:23:24,240 --> 01:23:25,760
Thank you, Mother, come on!

1282
01:23:29,440 --> 01:23:31,920
ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

1283
01:23:42,520 --> 01:23:46,320
Francis, where are you?
Where have you gone?

1284
01:23:50,520 --> 01:23:53,200
SHOUTING AND SCREAMING

1285
01:24:01,040 --> 01:24:02,880
Turn it off!

1286
01:24:02,920 --> 01:24:04,640
I've just turned it on.

1287
01:24:10,440 --> 01:24:12,680
Turn it off!

1288
01:24:12,720 --> 01:24:15,920
Turn off the main!

1289
01:24:15,960 --> 01:24:18,360
Get down there and turn off the
main!

1290
01:24:21,720 --> 01:24:24,000
Break it down!

1291
01:24:29,160 --> 01:24:31,160
Go on!

1292
01:24:32,640 --> 01:24:35,960
Are you all right?!

1293
01:24:36,000 --> 01:24:37,960
Of course he is. He's done it
before.

1294
01:24:38,000 --> 01:24:41,640
Fancy charging
a rotting old door like that.

1295
01:24:45,600 --> 01:24:48,280
Any idiot can tell if a door's
solid.

1296
01:24:48,320 --> 01:24:51,440
Test it. Simple.

1297
01:24:51,480 --> 01:24:53,920
Argh!

1298
01:24:56,960 --> 01:24:59,320
andlt; Hey, Dave!

1299
01:24:59,360 --> 01:25:04,160
Hello. I'm all right,
and I've turned off the main.

1300
01:25:04,200 --> 01:25:07,240
The water will die down in a moment.

1301
01:25:13,080 --> 01:25:15,000
There's a big hole. andgt;

1302
01:25:15,040 --> 01:25:18,760
I did suggest we started upstairs.

1303
01:25:18,800 --> 01:25:20,320
Look at all the mess.

1304
01:25:20,360 --> 01:25:21,520
I'm looking.

1305
01:25:21,560 --> 01:25:25,520
This is the end of Helping Hands.

1306
01:25:35,520 --> 01:25:39,680
What a remarkable
organisation set to sure.

1307
01:25:39,720 --> 01:25:44,680
Who would you know I'd decide
to demolish all this propy...

1308
01:25:44,720 --> 01:25:48,440
..and to build
a luxury modern flabablock?

1309
01:25:48,480 --> 01:25:49,920
You can say that again.

1310
01:25:49,960 --> 01:25:51,040
Flabablock.

1311
01:25:51,080 --> 01:25:52,640
Cor!

1312
01:25:52,680 --> 01:25:54,920
Remarkabold.

1313
01:25:54,960 --> 01:26:01,200
An extraordinary pace of progress in
such a short tie load. Folly, folly.

1314
01:26:01,240 --> 01:26:03,480
Only one thing to sum up it. andgt;

1315
01:26:03,520 --> 01:26:04,760
What's that?

1316
01:26:04,800 --> 01:26:07,440
Carry-okus.

1317
01:26:08,840 --> 01:26:11,480
Goodly-bye load.

1318
01:26:11,520 --> 01:26:17,040
"What an organisation you are. How
could you know I'd change my mind...

1319
01:26:17,080 --> 01:26:22,440
..and pull the house down - the
greenhouse and wash house and..."

1320
01:26:22,480 --> 01:26:25,600
That fell down of its own accord.

1321
01:26:25,640 --> 01:26:28,680
He's going to build
a luxury block of flats.

1322
01:26:28,720 --> 01:26:32,320
Only one thing remains to be said -
carry on!

1323
01:26:32,360 --> 01:26:34,680
ALL: Regardless!